I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
