exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
