kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
