we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize