Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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