I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
