I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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