Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
