I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
