Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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