apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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