i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
