This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
