I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
