i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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