You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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