The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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