Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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