IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
