I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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