I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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