dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
