I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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