I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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