I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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