Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
