the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize