Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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