Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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