Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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