My first STD was from a foam party
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
