you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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