The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
