i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
