I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
