he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
