I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
