We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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