It's Friday. Sex?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
