Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
