Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
