I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
