I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
