my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I came so hard my ears popped.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize