Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
