She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Vodka?
Forever.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
