You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
