it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
