We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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