Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize