She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
