someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
