"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
zippers are such a cool invention
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
