Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
