I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
