she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
In America we eat man semen.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
