smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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