Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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