Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
