I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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