He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
