The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So squirting runs in the family.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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