omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
