i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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