There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They have beer where we have blood.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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