you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
