I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
