what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
