Just mADE A PArabola og urine
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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