I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
